I am writing a book.
It was only meant to be a .pdf.
I’ve been working on my business and positioning over the last months, and one of the things I have been developing is free content for my site. I wanted to get something quick and dirty together that I could put on the website to cover the main pieces of my work. Couple of slides and a few bullet points… pulled it together quite quickly … I just need to turn it into a .pdf.
Then I needed to put some flesh on it. “Remember, it doesn’t need to be pretty – just get something down on paper”. Famous last words from my coach Charlie … I procrastinate for weeks, then sit down and pull together a few thousand words in the space of 36 hours.
Well, I did spend 16 years writing tax memos, where we would charge by the kilo of paper – its hardly rocket science to pull together a few blog posts and pull together some exercises ….
Hmmm … more famous last words
Out of body experience
I am writing a book.
Feels like I have lost my mind.
I am sitting in the hairdresser’s chair with gunk on my head. My mind is running ten to the dozen from the fumes of said gunk, and I am writing a bunch of things down on my phone – ideas are coming from everywhere as to what I could write about. I have the structure, I have some exercises ….
The few thousand words had been ten thousand words, and when my coach read it he told me I should maybe go write some more and see what happens…
I’ve given myself a week to shut out everything else, and just write.
And I am starting at the hairdressers …
Apparently, I might know something
I am writing a book.
And it seems that I have something to say.
Since I started my business I have spent the last eighteen months doubting everything I am doing. I know this is important work, but what happens if I am mediocre. I couldn’t stand not being any good at this.
So, I signed up for another qualification – this time in positive psychology. I figured if I was going to work with tax people, auditors, lawyers and work on them about stepping into their awesomeness through speaking, I better get some tools. But if I just go “pink and fluffy and completely whoo whoo” with them, they will run a mile – better get myself some research-based tools or they won’t take me seriously.
But you know what? After a few months, my brain started feel like a metal tube full of data flowing in a fast stream and I had no bandwidth to do anything else – like create new offers, or go get clients, or even serve my clients. And that hurt. And my business started to hurt too. So I pull out of the course.
And a couple of weeks later, I am vomiting words on to a page. In a week I have 25000 words of content – pulling together lessons from speaking on stage for twenty years, as well as two burnouts in five years and all the learning around that.
Apparently I might have something to say.
If my sister and dad read it, that’ll probably be good going
I am writing a book.
But who would want to read it?
So, Charlie asks me what my aspirations are for the book. I tell him it’ll be a good result if my sister and dad read it, and apart from that I will probably just impose it on my clients.
I want to start a conversation
I am writing a book.
And now I have an editor.
SHIT!!! I have an editor. When did that happen? Her name is Erin, she lives in Austin, and she reassures me that she knows how to write in British English – none of these Americanisms.
I sent 40,000 words to her. I know the manuscript is only at about 65% perfect, and it goes against my very nature to send something that is anything less than 120% perfect. But I am leaning into the discomfort, trusting the process.
But what I do know now, is that I really want to write this book. It was just meant to be a pdf then it turned to 40,000 words from nowhere, with no real direction. But now I have thought about it – and now I know that I want this book to start a conversation, a conversation about choices. Like that you don’t need to choose between your health and your career, that you can have both.
Can I really be that bad a writer?
I am writing a book.
Can it really be that bad?
The manuscript has come back from the editor and just seems to be awash with track changes. I know it was just a first draft, but was it really that bad?
It takes me about 6 weeks to sit down and look at the edits in any detail, and when I do I realize that a lot of the track changes are simply moving things around. I need to go through a whole thought process about allowing myself to not accept the changes if I don’t want to. This is my book, and it needs to be my voice.
I am clearly the laziest of the lazy people !
I am writing a book.
And apparently I am really lazy – because this is still not done.
It is going so slowly. I am writing a couple of hours a day – but that’s all.
My only point of reference before now of writing was pushing out a 20 page tax memo in a matter of days. And to do that I could spend hours on end reading, creating and writing.
And I am getting it into my head that writing a book should just be like that, right? Simply the equivalent of half a dozen tax memos, right? Why is this taking so long?
It’s bringing up some long-held fears about being lazy and not doing enough. I figure if I am not sitting at my desk for twelve hours a day I am not doing it right.
Though of course, that’s the whole point – I used to sit at my desk for twelve hours a day – look where that ended up. Two burnouts in five years. Oh, yeah, and that’s what I am writing about now.
Holy crap it is hot
I am writing a book.
But it’s too bloody hot to think.
In Europe we are going through a freak heatwave, and my apartment has no air conditioning, so it’s about 35 degrees inside all day every day. I am managing about an hour of work a day and then sleeping the rest of the day. It can’t go on like this.
So, I am taking myself to a hotel for a few days of air conditioning. Ok, its expensive, but I have coffee on tap, don’t need to think about food and there is air con.
I have to say that when I think about renting a hotel room out for a few hours of work, it makes me think hooker. So, I am telling any of the staff who will listen that I am writing a book and have no air conditioning at home.
So now when I say good morning, They say “oh, you are the writer!”. Hmm, writer, that seems a bit steep – but I guess I am.
Gotta keep my ass in that chair
I am writing a book.
GAWD this is getting boring.
Ok, maybe not boring, but its taking a hell of a long time, and am trying to keep up my motivation to keep going. Progress not perfection – I know that, but still.
You teach what you need to learn
I am writing a book.
And I am learning a whole bunch of things.
I am writing the last chapter – its about community. Its about looking after yourself and putting yourself first, that serving others doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself – and its about showing up so others can see you.
The two things that I still find hardest, 45 years in.
I guess we teach others the things we most need to learn.
So, what is it really about?
I am writing a book.
And its all done bar the shouting.
All five chapters are done, bar some final checks and tweaks.
Its time to do the intro and the conclusion. I know the book opens at 5 am on my 35th birthday – and I just finished work – and it will finish at 5 pm on my 45th, eating cake for my birthday. Ten years, two burnouts, and a whole lot of lessons.
Now I just need to finalise the chapter about “what this book is about”.
And I now know what its about. Its about shining a light on how we believe life is meant to be; how those beliefs and truths can kill our careers; and about how we can start to make choices about a different way to work …
And I am very excited!
Watch this space for more over the next weeks as I get some feedback on the book and then send it for formatting …. and publication …
Jo, you rock!
Just love your blogs! There is so much humor. I’m looking forward to find this spirit in the book!
***LOVE YOU***
You go girl! Look forward to reading the book!
Loved reading this, cant wait to read your book! Keep going!!